The problem is not you… there are assholes among you.
“Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.” —William Gibson
Are you finding this quote appealing for you? Do you relate with it? Well, you are not alone! I believe that many people will find this quote even funny, because it’s real. Think about how many times the behavior of others affects your personal state. How that awful acting made you feel about yourself? How many times did you brake relationships because of the damage they were doing on your personality?
So, before start blaming depression, stop, think, and ask yourself: Is it you? Or is this person simply an asshole?
There are numerous ways individuals can be assholes, you just need to learn how to recognize them. To make the recognition process easier for you, we made a list of top three characteristics that an asshole may own.
1. Assholes are comfortable in their stupidity.
In this case, stupid doesn’t mean unintelligent. No one knows everything about anything. No one is that smart! When you don’t know something, you don’t teach about it. But, asshole not only will preach about something they don’t know, they will even act as they are the experts in that field. They just enjoy showing off how “smart” they are, not realizing that they are deliberately comfortable in their stupidity.
2. Assholes are very loud and obnoxious.
Have you ever met a quiet asshole? In my experience, there are everything, but not quiet. Most of them are not interested in conversation. There is no give and take for them. There is only give. They take over the whole conversation, and start a monologue. They would even invade your personal space, not realizing what are doing. Or, maybe they do it on purpose to show who’s in charge. Either way, it’s not polite, nor nice.
3. Assholes are selfish bullies.
All assholes are self-centered and selfish in their own way. They underestimate the feelings, and thoughts of others. They are even capable to make funny of others’ success, humiliate them, in order to pump up their self-worth. This is really sad, but they do it all the time.
Why Do Assholes Make Us Feel Depressed?
The question is: why do assholes make us depressed? Keep in mind that, if we are exposed to them, they will diminish our self-esteem.
Most of us are raised to be nice, which means listening to others without interrupting them, valuing their good qualities, respecting person’s opinions. Being raised nice means that you expect others to be nice too. We expect others to give some of these qualities in return. Moreover, nice people are slow to anger, and always emphasize the positive.
On the other hand, assholes make us feel stupid for being nice. First, a nice person might get angry, and if this person only sees the asshole once in a while, the angry feeling will pass over quickly. But, the problem appears if a nice person sees the asshole every day. The anger grows bigger, and bigger, and it’s hard to manage it. As the time passes, the self-esteem begins to wear off bringing the feelings of sadness, hopelessness, and depression. To conclude, chronic emotional abuse can lead to diagnosable depression.
What Can We Do?
Assholes are everywhere. They can be found at school, work, among our friends, in our family…
So, how to protect yourself? Check out below a list of 5 tips:
- Get honest with yourself.
For once, see the situation as it is. Once you have recognized the person who’s harming you emotionally, start working on gaining your self-esteem back.
- Take action.
Acting is very important. Even if you can’t change or leave the relationship because the asshole is a close family member, you can still take some action to protect yourself.
- Reduce your contact.
The action you choose may be to stop seeing the asshole. For instance, if you are working in the same office, you may ask to transfer you in another office. If the asshole is a family member or is in your group of friends, try calling them less frequently. In extreme cases, you may end up the whole communication with them altogether.
- Implement healthy self-care strategies.
Start thinking about yourself! Keep an eye on your sleep, work on your eating habits, and start exercise. Spend time with people who make you feel good.
- Find a support system.
Find someone who can help you guide through your recovery. It can be a therapist or a close friend. If the damage is deep, the journey to recover your emotional state may be complicated. No matter what, stay strong, and seek help.
Now you know how to recognize assholes, and, you are ready to deal with them. So, run away from these toxic people, and start living happy life. Do you like this list? If you know other characteristics of an asshole, feel free to share them with us.