So you often catch yourself talking about how you don’t like many people. Or even hate them? Did you become one of those people who hate everybody and everything around them? Well, don’t worry because it’s kinda normal thing when you are getting old. The older you get, the more real this is.
My true story:
I am very friendly person. Used to be real social butterfly and I used to have lots of friends. Making friends was quite easy for me and I use to find close friends everywhere I would go. I was never shy, on the contrary I was quite talkative, and so I was able to find good people in the world. I felt blessed. Of course, I confessed my secrets to a few people only. People who I considered my best friends. People who knew me, my soul, people who I thought at the time, would never go anywhere. People who would be at my wedding, and we’d have kids around the same time. We’d raise them as best friends.
I was completely assured that these people would stay in my life forever. They were even closer to me than my relatives. They were my best non-blood relatives a person could get. I hanged out with them and spend far more time with them a lot more than with my real relatives.
As time was passing by, things have changed. I don’t have friends anymore. Not like I used to have. Now I am super close with my family. My best friends are my siblings and some of my cousins. I don’t spend my time with anyone else.
S*it happens. As years passed, as I graduated from school, got a real job, and in the meanwhile I matured and grew up, things have changed. Every single close friend left. Every person I trusted with my whole heart broke it. They all walked away. All of those friendships I thought I couldn’t live without ended.
No, no, no…..I don’t blame other people for my lack of friends. I obviously played a critical role in the deterioration of those friendships. At the beginning I felt pretty sh*tty about the whole thing. It didn’t feel good to lose friends.
I did some things wrong. A few of my friends did something sh*tty as well. And we couldn’t get over it. Maybe we didn’t want to. Neither of us made an effort to fix what was broken. Instead, we just walked away. I felt like I was putting in too much effort and giving a lot more of myself than I was getting back. I was giving 80 percent to their 20 percent. As soon as I stopped giving it my all, the friendships started to decline.
People around me left. That’s what people always do: leave. I might sound (a bit) depressing, but I am fine. I feel great actually. I’ve come to the conclusion that the older you get, the harder it is to make friends. The older you get, the more you realize that you actually hate everyone. And the weirdest part of all is that it’s really OK.
The older you get, the less bullsh*t you’re willing to put up with.
When you’re young, you simply want to be friends with everyone, to be liked and appreciated by everyone. You care far too much about what other people think of you, so you do a lot of shameful, embarrassing, self-destructive things just to make people like you. Desperately wishing to be part of the proverbial club makes you more inclined towards toxic friendships. We don’t even have the wherewithal to understand the warning signs or to recognize when we’re being walked all over.
As we get older and more mature, we are less willing to deal with that kind of sh*t. If someone isn’t going to put the work in to make our friendship sustainable, they can go to hell. I don’t have time for the nonsense anymore. If that means losing friends I had and not making any new ones, so be it. I don’t care. I’d rather spend my time alone than with someone who makes me feel alone.
The older you get, the less you care about making new friends.
What’s interesting about me, I have come to the point where making new friends isn’t even on my list of priorities in this life. I’ve seen how people act and what they do, and I don’t want to be involved in that sh*t anymore. I’m over it for good. Done. Finished.
Otherwise I haven’t changed. I’m still a friendly person and I chat with people, I hang out with people, I go do things with people, but I don’t really let them in. I don’t tell them secrets. I don’t become vulnerable. I am not interested in making new best friends. I have my family, and I’m completely OK with that.
When you get to a certain age, making new friends stops being something that interests you because you’ve already been there and done that.
Because the older you get, the less you trust sh*tty people.
I’ve been living on this earth for a quarter-century, and if I’ve learned one thing, it’s that people are the goddamn worst. When you’re a kid, you expect that people have your best interest at heart. You trust them with your heart. And them, when you get a little bit older and lot more jaded, you start to see the truth:
People are almost entirely self-serving, and no one gives a f*ck about you.
It was astonished to see so many close friends of mine walk away from me with such incredible ease. That was such a cruel eye-opener, to watch the best people I knew abandon me. I toughened up because I had to.
“The older you get, the less you choose to put anyone before yourself.”
Time when you stop caring about other people and start loving yourself is the time when things really started to change for the better. That switch which is somewhere along the road between early adulthood and real adulthood.
You stop doing things to please other people and start doing things to please yourself. A lot of friendships will get trashed by this simple fact alone. Once you stop letting people treat you like garbage, most people don’t see a use for you anymore.
The older you get, the less you stop looking for a ride-or-die friend. Instead, you start improving yourself. Friends will leave you at certain point but you will never leave you. That’s the real thing, isn’t it?